Oh No, It’s My Crazy Ex!
When I listen to music, I usually don’t pay close attention to the words. It’s a little embarrassing to admit the number of times that I have listened to a song over a dozen times before realizing what the lyrics are actually saying. Recently, I have noticed a pattern among female singers who are leaning into a dominant ideology that keeps them disempowered in society. It’s the “crazy ex-girlfriend” stereotype.
In the media, whether it’s on TV or written in a song, the crazy ex-girlfriend is a guy’s worst fear. She’s excited to stir up drama and ruin her ex’s chances of getting with anyone else. This stereotype has been around for decades and is a dominant ideology in society. It aligns with the neo-Marxist perspective and critical rhetorical perspectives that focus on empowerment and oppression based on sex, gender, sexual orientation, etc. (Sellnow, 2018). Whether men over exaggerate the situation or women rise to the “crazy,” this stereotype keeps getting fuel added to its fire. It's a taken-for-granted assumption about who should be in power (Sellnow, 2018). Ironically, some of the people who are adding that fuel are famous women. Country singers Miranda Lambert and Carrie Underwood address this in their popular songs “Crazy Ex-girlfriend” and “Before He Cheats.” Miranda explicitly mentions the idea that a woman won’t let her ex be happy with someone else. She sings:
Well, those pretty girls can play their game
But they're damn well gonna know my name
I'm a crazy ex-girlfriend
Men have been the dominant sex in society for centuries. The crazy ex-girlfriend narrative is a negative ideology that is used to keep the dominant sex (men) empowered and women disempowered. It's also a great example of hegemony (Sellnow, 2018). The man's idea about his crazy ex is more well-known than scenarios of a nice ex-girlfriend. Sometimes the word crazy can be used too flippantly. Merriam Webster Dictionary defines crazy as "mentally deranged, especially as manifested in a wild or aggressive way." Carrie describes her crazy in “Before He Cheats” as a woman damaging her ex’s vehicle:
I dug my key into the side (into the side)
Of his pretty little souped-up four-wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seats
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights (both headlights)
Slashed a hole in all four tires
Maybe next time, he'll think before he cheats
Taylor Swift is another example of a crazy ex-girlfriend in the media. She is known for putting her exes on blast in songs after they break-up. In her song Blank Space, she addresses the crazy ex-girlfriend allegations.
Got a long list of ex-lovers, they’ll tell you I’m insane. ‘Cause you know I love the players and you love the game.
While I have heard of some erratic behavior by women after breakups (that I do not agree with), I have also heard of similar behavior performed by men. I don’t believe that poor behavior after a breakup is an issue with one gender and not with the other. Unfortunately, female singers are helping promote this dominant “crazy ex-girlfriend” ideology. Why do you think that is? What sort of problems does this cause for both men and women in society? What message is this sending? And, how does this keep men empowered and women disempowered?
Sources:
Sellnow, D. D. (2018). The rhetorical power of popular culture: considering mediated texts. https://doi.org/10.4135/9781071800638
Full disclosure, I love a good crazy-ex song. Alanis Morrisette’s “You Oughta Know”, Sinead O’Connor’s “Troy”, and the three songs you chose for your analysis. But do narratives like the “crazy-ex girlfriend” cause problems for both men and women in society? I would say yes. Stereotyping like this sustains both sides or in many cases favors one side of the power struggle, no doubt. But equitably challenging stereotypes in a way that doesn’t simply shift power from one side to the other? It’s always more complicated than it seems.
ReplyDeleteWhat often catches my attention in some crazy-ex narratives is that the narrator (female for this context) seems to reaffirm hegemonic male empowerment but ends up subverting that and shifting the power (I see this in Lambert’s and Underwood’s songs). This is where the “other woman” in the story is at least in part blamed for the man’s infidelity, which in my mind, shifts women into the empowered position and renders the man emasculated against her persuasive power.
So, on one hand, I agree, that there’s an element in the crazy-ex narrative that serves to reaffirm hegemonic male empowerment. But there’s also an element that signifies rebellion against the hegemonic male empowerment and it’s about women who are decidedly no longer going be polite or turn a blind eye to the injustices they’ve been dealt by their male counterparts. And that leaves me feeling conflicted by some representations of the crazy ex-girlfriend narrative. All in all, it’s a juicy debate and you gave your reader a lot to think about. Great analysis!